Catch up :)

Hello all

Thamk you to all my new followers it means such a lot to me, I’m sorry I haven’t been writing very much, I just though I’d update you on things ❤️

so im now in tenarefe Spain and it’s a beautiful country, I love everything about this place and for you’re first ever time abroad I’d come here.

For me the people that live here are really polite and friendly but there is one person who stands out the most, we’ve kept in contact since being back in England, we message pretty much everyday, she literally helped me so much I can’t explain how much I appreciate it.

This person her name is “Dani” she has brightened my traveling experiences more than I can explain, im not afraid of the unknown anymore, she has given me so much confidence it’s an amazing feeling, we all appreciate what you have done for us as a family.

Dani I just want to thank you for our friendship and walking in to my life, you’re not just a friend to me, you’re my abroad sister, we may be oceans apart but it doesn’t change the friendship we will always have and keep, I never thought this friendship would end up this strong, In 2016 was my first ever time abroad, I didn’t have a clue who I’d meet along this journy of an adventure, she welcomed us with open arms and made us feel very welcome, you stand out girl in a good though, she so much like me in her own little way, I’ve always wanted someone who wouldn’t walk away no matter the distance, she isnt just a person down the street, she isn’t just a person I know she means more to me than that and she like family to me, infact she is in my eyes, she makes life so much brigher in many ways, I’m glad she has walked in to my life ❤️

 

Dani Bennett  you’re my oversea soul sister ⚓️ nobody can replace you ever!!

much love abroad soul sister forever and always ❤️

Okay.. Umm, Stupid phone

Hey.. Its my last Saturday at home, Woohoo Jetting of to the airport Thursday, Excited, Nervous! Spending time with family though.

Hope you are all having a fantastic weekend, Its pretty child today except me having a anxiety attack in the shop, my knees started to go weak also, Ugh!! why can’t it just leave me alone.

I have the doctors and a mental health appointment on Tuesday so a update will be coming mainly about my mental health rather than the actual doctors appointment, looking forward to start counselling and whatever therapy else.

My first blog will be about my flight and the travel down and probably some site pictures and the shops Etc.

does anyone collect anything? me I collect Key rings, perfume, Bracelets, necklaces, crystals, incense and also £2. ah and fairy lights light up stuff (beautiful colours) does a obsession come in to mind? Oh and I use to collect phone cases and chargers, Don’t know if that because of my autism or what not.

I’m paying for wifi in my hotel for the next 2 weeks I’m away woohoo, I also have access on my phone 😀

I will be updating you what things I shall be doing and the places I go and eat Etc..

Keep strong ya all ❤

Panda xxxxxxx

OMG!! haven’t wrote for 2 days

Oh my gosh, its been 2 days not doing a blog and I’ve missed it so much, whoever has been reading my posts will understand why, Writing is my life my forever Hobby!!

How are you all today? I’m doing okay except my tummy has been quite bad the past 2 days, it really does suck, I really hope they get down to the bottom of this.

I’ve heard from Mencap and I’m getting in contact with the closest Campaign person near me, so that’s so exciting.

also Silver line I think I spoke about that on my blog, if not give it a search a great volunteering Opportunity! I’m hopefully starting my training in 2018 woohoo, also good news.

I’m also going on holiday in 6 days ah its getting closer and I’m getting so excited but anxious because as you all know my anxiety and my stomach!! 😦

Ah I haven’t said where I’m going or should I keep you guessing until the day I get there hahaha!! 😀 😀 Somewhere in Spain I will give you that lol 😛 😀 anyone guess? >.< lol

I love taking Photographs so there will be a load of Nature and special places coming up 😀

I would also like to go and see the dolphins and the monkeys and whatever animal I can go and see, Animal Lover Haha, Poor animals from the heat though 😦 But you are never to old to go to the zoo right? 😛 ❤ hahaha.

I’m also leaving my word for 2 whole weeks and there my dogs, anyone that knows me or will soon find out my dogs are my life, I only leave them 2 weeks a year!!.. I will probably cry like a big girl, They help me with my emotional state though.

where does everyone post there blogs? just curious, As I state I don’t do it to get likes, I do it because writing is my second nature!! ❤ somewhere I can just be myself and write!! 😀

does anyone find it really hard to leave home before holiday? I get so emotional like ah the thought of getting lost, thought of leaving my dogs behind, also before I go I’m going to the doctors and the hospital.

I also hate flying face Palm only me, Emotion sickness my first plane was in 2016 :O :O.. I’m glad and I do eventually want to travel more anyways.

Good evening Guys,

will follow and like you back, will read you’re posts also, You guys have talent, never stop writing!! 😀

Panda xxxx

Panda Face on Samsung Galaxy S8 (April 2017)Panda Face on Samsung Galaxy S8 (April 2017)Panda Face on Samsung Galaxy S8 (April 2017)

 

Good news!!

So down in the UK its cold, I hope where you are is a little warmer!! hope you have all had a good day ❤

I’ve had quite a lazy day but done the basics, you know what I mean right, Contacted a few online friends and also someone who I when to school with,

I had a email from Mencap and silver line, Good news from each volunteering agencies, I have to wait for the end of the year with silver line, I cant wait to start my Training for that.

Mencap are helping me get in contact with someone closer to home, we are campaigning for Hospital Care, quite exciting.

I’m also getting ready to go on my Holiday the 14th September we will be flying out, I cant wait to be in the sun, I will also be blogging my journey throughout the time I am there.

I will not be going drinking or the clubs but I cant wait to spend the 2 weeks away with the family however before then I have to see a few people, Doctors and the national autistic society people.

Before I leave I’m also going to be going to the hairdressers however me and them do not get on, I actually hate going but that’s because of my autism, also I’m dying my Hair, I haven’t done that since I’ve been in school.

Just a little update :Dthanks for reading

Love Panda xo

 

 

 

Thank you for reading and giving me comfort, On a day like today!! <3

ah, I’m not having a good day today, I feel so weak so hopeless and confused,

I don’t know where my mind is taking me today, I just hope it becomes a happy place, A place where I can find Peace within myself, I don’t class myself as a good writer, However I don’t class myself as a bad writer,     Maybe I don’t know middle okay ish :/

My head fills so heavy its wired to explain, it doesn’t seem painful though, its something I get and I think its apart of Asperger’s, yesterday was a pretty bad day having my anxiety attack, it always last of this emotion for a couple of days, I so wish I never had mental health in some respect but in another mind I’m happy because I don’t think id of got through life without writing, some of my writing I don’t share with people, just because it hits me hard, so I can imagine someone else reading it would feel the same way.

I just want to talk to you about flash backs “what are flash backs” there something that when you have a bad event happen you reply it back in you’re head, its like a movie going on and on, You just cant pause the episode.

I can say though. No I haven’t beat all my past, I’m not in the right form of mind to say that I have, however I hope there is a end road and I can see the light.

I am one of the most down to earth people you will ever meet, I don’t really hate arguments, Raised voices etc. “flash backs happen more when I go out because I get stressed. However if I’m anxious worried, tired, have a panic attack it triggers me.

I also have problems with my stomach 😦 They unfortunately can’t find out what it is, well I don’t think its anything serious however they think its to do with the stress it leads me when I go out.

I wish I could go out everyday but my body won’t let me, not even my body my sensitive eyes hurt me, Yeah I have glasses, sun glasses, Painkillers.

I also find it hard to drink loads and that probably another one of my problems, I do drink though, just not what I should 😦

yeah I worry about my health also, I’m worried I’m going to get really sick and die, I’m also worried about my future and all that, Just general human stuff.

well anyways, its time to go of to bed now. If you like and follow,

I will do the same back

Panda ❤

Loss of control

Loss of control is the worst emotion ever! 

I feel so alone when this happens, it’s such a scary feeling, when I first felt it honestly thought I was going to die, un to be known it was my first ever panic attack.

Everytime I leave the house I always feel this way, I feel it’s controlling me more than anyone thinks, it’s apart of me and it takes control.

I want to rest it and not see it again, I have to fight it before it eats me up, wait I forgot it already has done! People say not going out makes it worse, it’s already worse but because of my sensory issue ⭐️🦋

it isn’t that easy to go out in the light, with autism there are 4  things that stand out for me more than anything, touch taste smell texture, it’s been a fight of flight mode today.

As you can imagine it’s been a very hard day today, I’m so tired it’s so draining 😟😴😣❤️

hows you all??

Panda ❤️

Hopeful <3

Saturday 2nd September 2017

 

Today is a very important, I don’t think I have stated that I have a mental health illness but here it is.

even though I seem positive half the time, I try to write on my good days!! I don’t believe in making negativity around me, sometimes I have kept it locked up for so long, sometimes life can be so hard and so overwhelming for me, sometimes I cant even cry so it gets worse.

The thing I’ve learnt about mental illness so many people can hide it, so many people are scared to ask for help, luckily I don’t believe that, everyone needs help sometime in there life.

well on this day I received my form from the mental health clinic, I have been asked before but never been able to make it for person reasons that is anyway.

I’ve come to the point in my life where I have to get over this constant fear in the back of my head, Yes medication can help but it never fully takes the pain of the past, yes I’m excited for the future but sometimes I’m not,

Big Part of me is the way I look at myself, The way I think other people see me to, I believe the way people see me is the way I see myself, however it isn’t true but I can’t help think that, it sucks when I say sucks it gives me a lack of energy to do anything,

flash backs are my worst nightmare,

I can’t speak about all of it in this one blog, however I was begging to say,

!2th September I’m going to my first ever Assessment!

YIPPIE!!! ❤